by Paul Volk
www.deida.com
Whether or not men and women can be friends is not as simple as the simple question makes it sound. Because there are different kinds of men and women.
Best-selling author and speaker David Deida describes a spectrum of sexual energy from the masculine on one side to the feminine on the other. Deida says that all men and women have access to the full spectrum of energy; that is, all of us could choose to animate more masculine energy, more feminine energy, or more balanced energy at any given time.
But we each also have a specific place on the spectrum--either more on the masculine side, more on the feminine side, or close to balanced--that is our unique sort of "resting place." It's the natural sexual energy that we are going to be expressing--and identifying with--most of the time. Deida calls this point on the spectrum our "sexual essence." Most men (around 80%) have a more masculine sexual essence, and most women (around 80%) have a more feminine sexual essence.
All of this is important in answering your question because the masculine in each of us has certain desires and values and the feminine has very different desires and values. A man with a masculine essence might have a friendly relationship with a woman who has a masculine sexual essence, but he would have a hard time having a stricly friendly relationship with a woman who has an extremely feminine essence.
Because these masculine and feminine energies drive the sexual attraction between us, and also because these differences between the extreme masculine and the extreme feminine are so profound--they want different things, communicate in completely different ways, see things completely differently, etc--it makes the kind of communication and sharing involved in a friendship type of relationship very difficult.
On the other hand, for men and women with balanced sexual essences, a friendship relationship is the most natural relationship for them. Because they are fairly balanced in their sexual energy (equally masculine and feminine) there is not the kind of mismatch and misunderstanding that constantly takes place between the extreme masculine and the extreme feminine. 
Men and women with balanced essences tend to have excellent communication with each other, but they also do not have the kind of sexual fireworks that characterizes men and women with more extreme sexual essences. People with truly balanced sexual essences just don't really care that much about sex.
It's important to realize that it's not better to have either a more extreme sexual essence or a more balanced sexual essence. Just like it's not better to have brown eyes or blue eyes. It's just different, but the differences do make a big difference in our lives and it's something that we should all be conscious of and take into account so that we won't be thrown into confusion by over-simplifications like: men and women should be able to be friends or men and women can never be friends.
